Well, ladies, this is my first throwaway story (warning: it's very long). And yes, ButtplugThrowaway and ButtplugThrowaway1 were already taken.

Several months ago my boyfriend and I bought ourselves a couple of vibrators, one for vaginal use and one for anal play. Up to this point we had never used the anal plug for its intended purpose. We had bought it for my boyfriend but so far he hadn't worked up the nerve to use it yet.

Last Monday we were having sex and while in doggystyle position, he took out the butt vibrator, lubed me up and slid it in. This was the first time we were playing with any sort of butt toys. It was exciting and fun and all that, he was being gentle and everything. Felt great. And then...

He moved it to either push it in a bit more, or maybe pull it out a bit, I'm not sure. But suddenly I hear a loud pop

Now, I recognized this pop. It was the pop this brand of vibrators made when you removed the battery cover. And in this case, the battery cover would be the perpendicular "don't get sucked into the butt" handle.

So... pop.

Me: .... what... what was that.

BF: Ummm... ummmm don't move. Wait, don't move.

Me: WHAT WAS THAT. OH MY GOD WAS THAT THE HANDLE?

BF: Yeah. Wait.

Me: IS THE VIBRATOR STUCK IN MY BUTT?!?!?!

Yes, ladies. the vibrator had indeed been sucked right into my sphincter.

BF: Don't freak out. Wait. Ummm don't move, ummmmm can you uh, "push"?

I push. He tries to put his fingers around the vibrator.

Me: Did it work?!?!?!

BF: ... no.

Me: Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god ohmygodohmaisdgodaskjd OH MY GOD. No. No no no no no no no no no (ad nauseum).

BF: DON'T FREAK OUT WE WILL GET IT OUT DON'T WORRY IT'S GOING TO BE OK.

Me: No no no no I can't no no this is not happening no no no please no please no.

BF: Let's uh, let's get you to the toilet OK? You can try to uhhh shit it out. It's gonna work, don't worry, you'll be fine.

Oh my god, I was crying and yelling and hyperventilating and so FUCKING freaked out. I was convinced that I'd end up as an X-ray on the Internet, ONE THOSE X-RAYS OF PEOPLE WITH THINGS STUCK IN THEIR BUTT. Anyway, we get me off the bed, he leads me to the toilet... I'm like waddling in a pathetic and slow way trying to... well, I don't know what I was trying to do, I guess prevent the vibrator from traveling further up my butt. I actually can't even think about that too much even a week later, haha.

So yeah, we get to the toilet and I send him to wait outside because regardless of everything I wasn't ready to shit out a vibrator in front of my boyfriend. After a few minutes, I thankfully manage to poop out a black piece of plastic. I get up and fish it out, throw it in the trash, and immediately flush out of habit. My boyfriend comes back in and asks if I'm OK, I say yes, it's out, I threw it in the trash. He looks in the trash and looks up at me and says,

"Did you throw out the battery too???"

WHAT. BATTERY.

I thought the battery had fallen out when the handle came out, my boyfriend says no, I hyperventilate again. I say no, I didn't see a battery, I just fished out the plastic and flushed, I don't think I saw a battery, maybe it sunk to the back of the toilet tank and got flushed?

We flushed two more AAA batteries to make sure that it was even possible to flush them. edit: yes I know I shouldn't have done that, we obviously were not thinking clearly in the moment

I also reasoned that the way the vibrator was positioned, it was really almost impossible for the vibrator to be "pooped out" but not the battery, unless the vibrator somehow got turned around inside my rectum, which is highly unlikely, if not impossible.

After a long shower and lots of reflection, I go back to the bedroom where my boyfriend is waiting, and he says "... I think we should go to the ER. I don't want you to like, die from a battery leaking inside your butt. I mean, what would I say to your mother?" I agreed that it would probably be difficult to explain to her, least of all due to language barriers.

So yeah, we went to the ER, I had to tell the lady taking my blood pressure that I was at the ER because an AAA battery may be in my butt.

3 hours and 2 x-rays later, it was confirmed that there was no battery in my butt. Some bits of plastic from the innards of the vibrator were though. I was prescribed some laxatives and sent on my way.

So that's my butt story. Boyfriend and I have agreed that our next butt toy will be non-vibrating and in one piece only to prevent further mishaps of this sort.

Other than share my embarrassment, this is also a PSA of sorts. The TANO Plug Vibe by Pico Bong is a terrible product. Its intended use IS for the butt. The handle is made for the sole purpose of preventing stuck-in-butt situations. But it doesn't screw on tight enough and "opens up" easily, which is what caused my problem. I wasn't going to mention the brand of the product, but I e-mailed them the next day about what happened to me, and even though they opened a customer service ticket, I never got any response. Very, very disappointing customer service, to say the least.

Hope you enjoyed/cringed/cried/laughed. That's what I did, in that order. As a bonus, my boyfriend calls me his Energizer bunny now.